Real Tips from Women Who've Been There
Dating after divorce can feel like uncharted territory—new, different and maybe a bit intimidating. But take heart! Many women have navigated this road and emerged stronger, wiser and with a fresh perspective on love and life. Here's what they've learned along the way.
CHOOSE YOUR MINDSET
Divorce can shake your confidence, especially if it happens later in life. "You can approach dating with a 'woe is me' mindset, lamenting the body you once had or the age you used to be, but choosing optimism makes a world of difference," said Ann, 55 (divorced at 43). "It's not always easy, but tell yourself, 'I'm stepping outside my comfort zone and doing my best,'" she added.
TAKE IT SLOW
After divorce, it's crucial to give yourself time to heal and rediscover who you are before jumping into something new. Many women stressed the importance of reflection. "You've been through a lot. Take time to develop a new you, be alone with your thoughts, and recharge," said Kim, 59 (divorced at 57). There's no set timeline for when you should date again. Focus on what makes you happy, and you'll be in a better place to find someone who truly appreciates you.
RE-EVALUATE YOUR CHECKLIST
It's natural to be protective of your time and emotions post-divorce—and that's a good thing! As you re-enter the dating pool, think about what truly matters, but keep an open mind. While deal-breakers like "no smoking" are important, don't cling to superficial judgments from your younger years. "It's critical to find someone you genuinely connect with," said Mary, 55 (divorced at 43). "Life's too short to settle. My second husband and I could talk for hours or enjoy comfortable silence. We're both spontaneous and love to travel—it's a perfect match. Finding someone who fits your lifestyle and shares your goals is everything."
DATING APPS VS. REAL-LIFE MEETUPS
Dating apps are the go-to for many women, and they can be a great tool—once you get the hang of it. Just keep expectations in check. Not every date will spark fireworks, and that's OK. Stay open to meeting different people—you might be surprised! If apps aren't your thing, don't worry. Meeting people in real life still works. "I tried the apps and thought, 'there's got to be a better way,'" said Sarah, 50 (divorced at 44). You could join a cooking class or group hikes, for example. Putting yourself out there creates new experiences and opportunities to meet people who share your interests. Whether you find a new friend or a future date, it's a win-win.
REMEMBER: YOU'RE IN CONTROL
The best part about dating after divorce? You get to call the shots. Be selective, set your standards and never settle. This time around, you define what you want—and what you won't tolerate. "Be picky," said Carolyn, 59 (divorced at 57). "Remember why you left your last relationship and don't rush back into dating, or you might end up where you started." Take your time, trust your gut and make sure anyone entering your life is worth your energy.
LET LOVE FIND YOU
Don't stress about what's next. Desperation clouds judgment and can push you into something that's not right. When you're hyper-focused on finding "the one," you might settle or overlook red flags just to avoid being alone. "It almost never works when you're desperate," said Josie, 62 (divorced at 56). "Do your own thing and put yourself out there. Love happens when you're not even looking for it." So, relax, trust the process and give yourself the space to grow—without feeling like you need to rush into a new relationship
COMMUNICATE WITH AND LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN.
If you have children, don't forget they need to feel heard, too. They're processing the divorce in their own way, and your dating life will impact them. Ask how they're feeling and really listen. "My children were in their teenage years when I got divorced and each of them were grieving and processing it very differently," said Angie, 55 (divorced at 43). "It's important to talk openly about your dating life and listen to their concerns. Remember, you're not just searching for the right person for you, but also for your family."
FINAL THOUGHTS
Dating after divorce may feel daunting, but with patience, time and the right mindset, it can be rewarding. The most important tip? Stay true to yourself. Whether you find love next week or next year, you're in control of your journey—and that's worth celebrating.
Kirsetin Morello is a Michigan-based author, speaker, writer, travel-lover, wife and grateful mom of three boys. Read more about her at www.KirsetinMorello.com.
This article originally appeared in the Dec '24/Jan '25 issue of West Michigan Woman.
