“It’s so hard finding time for each other.” “I just don’t seem to want to anymore.” “I’ve never tried anything like this before. Where do I start?”
As a sexual health educator and consultant for Pure Romance, these are a few of the many comments and questions I have addressed on a regular basis for the past six years. You see, Pure Romance parties are not just parties anymore: They are gatherings where women could ask questions, learn about their sexuality, and find ways to reconnect with their partners.
As relationships mature, they become deeper and more comfortable—but they also lose some of their initial excitement and anticipation. At our parties we talk about intimate questions that women need answered, but don’t know who to ask. Looking to help women reignite the spark in their bedrooms, we explore options ranging from light romance to creative new ideas to more adventurous fantasy play. And along the way we discuss how, exactly, to introduce these concepts to your partner.
Communication could be one of the most difficult aspects of a relationship. And a lack of communication is often the cause of a decrease in bedroom activities! Let’s face it: For many women, it’s not easy to talk about sex. In fact, a recent survey showed that more women prefer to just have sex—even if it is unsatisfying—rather than discuss their intimate desires with their partners.
Which brings us to some suggestions for nonverbal communication about intimate desires. Want to spice things up, but you’re uncertain about how to get the ball rolling? Consider one of these creative methods:
Write out your fantasy.
Do you have a “go-to” fantasy that you would love to try? Consider writing it out and letting him read it. Tie it up like a scroll, with a ribbon, and give it to him as a present. No need to have the conversation, but you might just get to have the fantasy!
Use a game. (By the way, stack the deck.)
Games and books could be great ways to inspire new ideas! If you choose a game with cards, you might want to consider flipping through them first by yourself—put your favorite cards on top! If you’re looking at books, consider flagging your favorite pages for him to view.
Compare lists.
Look online for a list of intimate activities. After each of you reviews the list and marks the activities you would like to try, swap lists!
Use a bedroom accessory to indicate where you want more attention.
Want a little more time spent on a certain area? Need a little more or less pressure in a certain area? Use a bedroom accessory on your partner’s body to indicate where, how intensely, and for how long you would like to be touched or stimulated.
Choices are fun!
Choose five or six different items, such as lingerie, massage oil, edible body products, bedroom accessories, blindfolds, feathers, games, or other objects. Leave them on the bed with a note to choose three items he would like to use in the bedroom that night.
Click here to get more suggestions!
Written by Sarah Ingham.
