As I strolled through the mall with my friend the other day and stopped to say hello to about four people I knew passing by, she asked "how do you know so many people?" "I don't know," I answered. "People from here and there, I guess."
As I thought about it that night, I realized that this friend of mine was in the pre-school, infant, and toddler stages of mommy-hood–a time that seems to be a friendship drought. I never considered the fact that, yes, I kind of do know a lot of people. But I, too, was in the friendship drought not too many years ago. I realized that there is a certain evolution, if you will, of mom friendships that begins to take place the instant that first baby is born. And it continues to change and move as your life changes and moves.
Before Junior arrived, you were young, free, and some of us, a little wild (you know who you are). But once that new love of your life enters your home, your focus changes. There are no more girls’ nights out downtown, or glasses of wine with the neighbor, or couples gone wild. As far as you're concerned, the rest of the world could fall off the face of the earth; you are too busy falling in love with your new baby, and falling asleep any chance you get. Your college friends take a backseat, because you're now the driver of the minivan of adult life, and you can hardly even remember high school friends; a time that seems like decades ago....because it was....
As the months go by, and sleep depravation becomes a normal and manageable fact of life, you begin to feel....alone. Soon, Junior is crawling and a shower for yourself becomes the all-elusive trophy of the day. Then, walking and talking begin and you think: I better socialize this puppy! But with who? There is only so much Grandma can entertain your children, and truthfully, an hour on the floor playing spit, gurgle, and giggle doesn't count as socialization.
From the ages of zero to three or four, loneliness creeps in little by little, so quietly you don't even recognize it, like the growth of a new grey hair. And the next thing you know, you have become an un-showered, out of shape, friendless schlumpadink.
But the good news is, it's time for preschool. If I could, I would personally thank Mr. Preschool. It is this great invention that not only brings about a beginning social life for your little one, but also begins to revive your own. You are thrown into the pit with other mothers, but more than that, other adults. And guess what, you all have something in common: preschoolers and a smidgeon of free time each week.
As your children move into elementary school and high school, you will be exposed to a whole new group of social activities. Your children will begin sports and you will make friends there. Soon you will find yourself with mom friends, gym friends, kid's-mom friends, sports friends, hobby friends, neighbor friends, and husband's friends, and you will find it hard to believe that you ever felt alone.
So next time you get a chance to be in contact with a mom with young children at the park, at the mall, at a class, at the gym, say hello and introduce yourself. We all need friends. We are in Motherhood together. And together we can make each day just a little bit better.
Written by: Pam Toigo Photo: stock.xchng
