As joyful as the holidays can be, it can also be a time of great pain for those who have endured losing a loved one.
According to Dr. Charletta Dennis, Medical Director of Behavioral Health at Priority Health, many people who've suffered a loss such as this experience a range of emotions during this period, including sadness, loneliness and even anger.
"These feelings can be heightened due to the emphasis on togetherness and celebration that the holidays often bring," Dr. Dennis said. "It's completely normal to feel a sense of longing for your loved one and to find it challenging to engage in festive activities. Remember, it's OK to feel a mix of emotions and to take the time you need to process your grief."
One approach Dr. Dennis recommends for families take is to modify or create new traditions that honor their loved one's memory while also considering their own current emotional needs.
"This could involve making a special dish that your loved one enjoyed, lighting a candle in their honor or sharing fond memories together," she shared. "It's also important to give yourself permission to skip certain activities if they feel too overwhelming. The key is to find a balance that allows you to honor your loved one while also taking care of yourself."
Creating new traditions could look a number of different ways, with Dr. Dennis suggesting setting aside a specific time during the holidays to share stories and memories; creating a memorial ornament or decoration; or engaging in an activity that was special to your loved one.
"The key is to choose something that feels right for you and that brings a sense of connection and peace."
And while discussing loss with family and friends can be a delicate matter, Dr. Dennis acknowledges the importance of communicating one's feelings, as a person's closest circle can play a vital role in supporting them in their grief.
"Be honest about your emotions and let others know what you need, whether it's a listening ear, a comforting hug or some space to reflect," she said, noting it can be helpful to set boundaries and let your loved ones know if there are certain topics or traditions that you find particularly difficult. "Remember: it's OK to express your grief and to ask for support—your family and friends likely want to help you through this time."
If you're looking to support someone who is grieving this time of year, it's important to be patient and understanding, as grief can manifest in various ways.
"Offering practical support, such as helping with holiday preparations or providing meals, can also be very helpful," Dr. Dennis shared. "Encouraging the person to talk about their loved one and to engage in activities they enjoy can provide comfort and a sense of normalcy."
It's not uncommon for a sense of guilt to accompany any feelings of joy in your life following the passing of a loved one. However, feeling happiness doesn't mean you're not grieving.
"Your loved one would likely want you to find moments of joy and to continue living your life fully. Allow yourself to feel happiness without judgment and remind yourself that it doesn't diminish the love you have for the person you've lost," Dr. Dennis encouraged. "It's possible to honor their memory while also embracing the present."
Dr. Dennis explains how children may have a particularly difficult time processing grief during the holidays.
"They might feel confused, angry or even guilty," Dr Dennis said, adding how it's crucial for caregivers to provide a safe space for children to express their emotions and to reassure them that it's OK to feel a range of feelings. "Simple, honest conversations and maintaining some sense of routine can help. Additionally, involving children in new or adapted traditions to honor the loved one can provide comfort and a sense of connection."
Because grief is both personal and highly nuanced, and presents itself uniquely in each individual, it may be difficult to tell when it's time for professional intervention.
"If you find that your grief is interfering significantly with your daily functioning, it may be time to seek professional help," Dr. Dennis advised. "Signs that you might need additional support include persistent feelings of hopelessness, withdrawal from social connections or an inability to manage daily tasks. Speaking with a therapist or counselor can provide a safe space to explore your emotions and develop coping strategies."
Ultimately, Dr. Dennis emphasizes the importance self-care during one's time of mourning.
"Grief can be exhausting, both emotionally and physically, so it's crucial to take care of yourself," she said. "This might mean setting aside quiet time for reflection, engaging in activities that bring you joy, or seeking support from a therapist or counselor. Remember that it's OK to ask for help and to prioritize your well-being.
"The holidays can be a challenging time, but with compassion for yourself and support from your loved ones, you can navigate this period with strength and grace."
Written by Sarah Suydam, Managing Editor for West Michigan Woman.
