When I was invited to re-explore the topic of women shaming, an idea popped into my head almost immediately.
Though a summer ago already, I was still thinking about America Ferrera's monologue in the Barbie movie. If I've lost you here, don't worry. The gist of her character's speech was to recount the many ways that women struggle under the expectations of other people. And often fall short of those expectations, through no action of their own. She ends, in part, by saying:
"I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us."
I cried during it. What brought out the Kleenex? And why did I think her words resonated so much that I could center my examination of women shaming in this new era around it? To get some answers, I gathered a few women in my circle to discuss.
I'm lucky to have a lot of remarkable women in my life, so thinking about who to engage in this conversation wasn't difficult. The first to come to mind were Terri Spaulding, who teaches Mindful Musical Movement (and more) and runs Wellness with Terri; Jen Bullen, somatic healing coach and owner of Rising Strong Wellness; and Dawn Pick Benson, transformational travel coach and creator of the Brave Journey program. And they all enthusiastically said, "Yes!"
That's when things got really interesting.
We started talking about what's different in 2024, versus a few years ago, and the big a-ha came right out of the gate, with Jen noting that she's been witnessing a real desire to build (or rebuild) a sense of community and to "hold space for one another." Exiting a period of relative isolation, many of us have been wanting to find our people. And we're being especially selective about who we surround ourselves with, as well as what we hope to gain from these relationships.
"The women I'm working with in my travel retreats want to be with people who understand the phase of life they're in," Dawn said. "They want to be in a supportive group and not be in competition anymore."
Part of getting there comes from our own self-discovery; being real and being honest with ourselves and being comfortable with who we are—and, at times, taking others' examples of self-confidence and self-acceptance as inspiration.
"We've started to realize that we're all in this together, that we need each other, and we're stronger for that," Dawn said. "I call that 'borrowing one another's bravery.'"
"I've noticed many more women feeling unafraid to stand out for who they are, and not try to fit in anymore," Terri said. "When we get to shine, there are people who are attracted to our shine, and our tribe comes to us."
"That's a power, but not a power over others; it's a power that comes out of us." Jen added. "We're drawing and attracting what we want for ourselves. When we get magnetic and our power is magnetic, we're unstoppable."
So, wait, what about that Barbie speech? We all agreed that we've reached an age where pleasing others just isn't as much of a thing. When we find ourselves—who we are and what we want—and we find the people who love us for who we are, the rest doesn't matter anymore. I realized that what made me teary as Ferrera's character Gloria spoke, was a sadness that so many women do still resonate with the sentiments in the monologue.
And this is where we can change that.
"We have to continue to lead by example," Terri said. "To be who we are and shine in a way that brings us light in life."
We can choose genuineness and authentic self-expression—and choose relationships that lift us up. When we have the vulnerability to be ourselves, we contribute to a greater understanding of our individual and shared experiences. We're more likely to find common ground and discover that we're less different than we think. We also open up the opportunity to empathize and not be so quick to tear each other down.
That's just a snapshot of the roundtable discussion I had with Jen, Terri, and Dawn. It seems fitting to close with an excerpt Dawn brought up from "Hungry Hearts" by Sue Monk Kidd:
"Every woman possesses a capacity, a passion or a spark meant not only for herself, but for the world. I call this her particular genius."
Allison Kay Bannister has been a West Michigan resident since 1987 and a professional writer since 2002. A GVSU alumna, she launched her own freelance writing business in 2017. Allison is a cookie connoisseur, word nerd, aspiring gardener, and metastatic breast cancer thriver who loves traveling in Michigan and beyond, and enjoys art, world cuisine, wine, music, and making homemade preserves.
This article originally appeared in the Aug/Sep '24 issue of West Michigan Woman.
