We get it! Talking about spicing things up isn't always a natural conversation to have. However, communication (especially in this realm) is absolutely necessary.
"Acknowledge the awkward, have the conversation, and enjoy how that evolves," said Nisha McKenzie, PA-C, CSC, NCMP, IF, Women's Health Collective. "Sexuality needs space. Right now, we're running a bit thin on that space. I've heard numerous stories of how the pandemic is affecting the sex lives of my patients, and most are not necessarily heavy on the 'more sex' side of the equation."
Finding alone time together these days can be difficult. But that doesn't mean you can't still explore intimacy and being vulnerable. If you're feeling shy, McKenzie recommends mojoupgrade.com as a resource to learn each other's "wish list" items. After answering the survey prompts individually, you'll only be shown items you and your partner showed mutual interest in!
These additional tips, provided by McKenzie, are sure to make your partner sweat.
The Lovers Channel
Create an email address to be shared only with your partner where you can exchange all things sexy—ideas, talk and thoughts. You could even use a sexy name or password that stokes the senses.
Bring back the game of charades—clothing optional. This is one of the more interesting ways to hone your nonverbal communication skills.
Read to each other or listen to audiobooks together. Reading anything of interest to each other for a date night can increase intimacy in many ways, but spicing it up by reading erotica can put you right over that edge. Consider some sort of touch while one partner reads, like playing with their hair, or a foot or back rub.
Both partners write down all the things they'd like to try sexually—positions, time of day, what articles of clothing you do (and don't) want to be wearing—and place them in a Mystery Box. When it's time, draw from the box!
Spin the Bottle
Write those ideas down and place them in a circle. Spin the bottle to let it choose your "play of the day"—a naughty throwback to youthful days.
Buy yourselves some inexpensive prepaid "burner" phones. Use them only for sexy communication, dirty talk, and pictures you feel safe sending. Call them your "burner phones," just because you can.
Fantasies are normal parts of the human experience! Consider adding Dr. Justin Lehmiller's book, "Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life" to your date night reading materials. Some partners choose to keep their fantasies to themselves. Others choose to share. Some choose to act out all or parts of their fantasies. Others choose to keep them in their imaginations. All options are totally cool!
Still looking for more? An AASECT certified sex therapist could help outline additional options for communicating any wants and needs.
Written by Sarah Suydam, Managing Editor for West Michigan Woman.
This article originally appeared in the Feb/Mar 2021 issue of West Michigan Woman.