"They don't fit in your pocket, you have to wear a fanny pack," –Bryce Compton, author, writer
I received a phone call from a fella who had a foreign accent and said he got my name from one of the expensive dating services. I asked him what took him so long since I received his information more than a month ago. He told me was abroad on business. I wanted to ask him which broad he was on and what was his business?
I had written the guy off from the outset since his stats didn't measure up to my liking. He was listed as 5'8" which translated at a height equal to or lesser than mine. Not all, but many of the men I have met who lack stature suffered from Napoleon Syndrome.
According to the Urban Dictionary, Napoleon Syndrome described a type of inferiority complex suffered by Caucasian men who are short and/or suffer from erectile dysfunction. Characteristics include lying to inflate importance e.g. “I have a red corvette.” Or in this case, “I have a foreign accent.”
Foreign Accent wore me down and wanted to meet for dinner. He also asked if he could spend the night since he had an hour drive to the restaurant. I told him definitely not. I have neighbors and besides, it was not like he was driving from a foreign country. Even if he was driving from Canada, which was only a couple of hours away, I would have told about the Stay Here hotel chain located nearby.
So another dinner time arrived with an unknown species. As I paused at the parking lot, I spotted the littlest man I had ever seen other than ones in the circus or Chelsea Handler’s Chuy.
In fact, I think he was one of the last munchkins from The Wizard of Oz. Not only was he littler than me but he was also wearing a fanny pack. Who wears this sort of thing and also lies about his height? I have seen 5’8” and I am pretty sure Foreign Accent was no taller than Napoleon Bonaparte.
I did a drive-by with no-good-byes. Lying about being short and wearing a fanny pack are both deal breakers in my book. Also, I don’t care that he had a foreign accent, what country he came from, or what broads he did business with. Lastly, I have no idea if he suffered from erectile dysfunction and Napoleon was dead so I knew he didn’t have the answer either.
Written by: Cindy Lucy Covell is a professional educator and author of the online dating memoir Plenty of Carp: A Fishing Guide for Dating Singles with pen name Cindy Lucy. Her work as a teacher was applauded in 2008 with recognition and an award for the Most Outstanding Faculty Member by the Senior Class Council at Michigan State University. To stay current with her writing, visit her blog.