I remember sitting in my new residence all by myself (a 1970s townhouse, by-the-way), when all of the sudden panic set in … What the H*&!# had I done?! I had moved out and filed the divorce papers. My mother and sister, who were helping me transition, had gone home to their respective states. Except for having my precious son (on my days), I was on my own.
So, I did what any person would do: I looked around my new apartment and cleaned like a mad woman. I did laundry, vacuumed, and rearranged things until I was exhausted. After a few days of erratic OCD behavior, I finally sat down, got a pen and paper, and started to write out my list of priorities in order to give direction to my newly directionless life.
- First priority: My son. He deserves a healthy, happy, and engaged mother. When I have my time with him, my attention and focus needs to be on him.
- Get right with God. I needed to examine who I had become and what was missing. I hadn’t made my faith a priority in a long time. Now, it was time. Church was back on my schedule and I began a prayer lifestyle with God.
- Take care of myself. I carved out a routine including exercise, healthy eating, and plenty of sleep.
- See and talk to my family more often. I have no family in Michigan. My mom and grandparents are in Iowa, my sister lives in Texas, my brother travels a lot for work, and my father lives in Bolivia. Ha! This was going to be challenging, but it was important. (By the way, I have seen them more in the last year than I had in the previous six years.)
- Continue to keep it together at work. It’s just me now, so my job is very important. I needed to demonstrate value to my company and keep my employment secure.
- Rediscover forgotten interests and try new things. I picked up painting again, and started traveling and doing more things I used to do that I missed. I was rediscovering myself and what makes me, me.
- Take a friendship inventory. I wanted to cultivate the good friendships I had and ditch the toxic people in my life.
- Forgive him and forgive myself. It takes two to ruin a marriage. Yep, this one was a biggie, and it didn’t happen overnight ...
Notice on this list, you don’t see “find a new man” or “begin dating.” I needed to redesign my life and who I had become. I figured the other stuff would fall into place once I put my list into action.
Do you have a list? It’s never too late to stand in front of a mirror, take a good long look, and put pen to paper. Who are you now? What do you love about yourself? What could you change? Be honest with yourself. And … put your list somewhere you will see it everyday and often (refrigerator, dresser mirror, etc.). I did.
Be strong and live well.
Written by: Jessica Holland is a guest blogger for West Michigan Woman. This is the second in her several-week series of blogs related to her firsthand experience with divorce and the lifestyle change that comes with it. Click here to read her first blog, Divorce: Decision Day. Check back weekly for her perspectives and advice!
