I am divorced. It’s not easy to say out loud or put it in writing. However, as of January 23, 2013, I became a divorced single mother. How I got there was a culmination of years of unhappiness and unhealthy choices for both of us. You may have found yourself in the same place, or wondering if you should make a choice similar to mine.
I had been in therapy for more than three years to fix my marriage or make the final choice to let go and move on. I always wanted to be a wife and mother. The thought of starting over again on my own was terrifying! I had built a life with someone and I would be destroying the very thing I worked so hard to protect. I prayed about it, sought council, and tried to convince myself that I could be happy.
I woke up one morning and realized I could no longer ignore the following signs, in addition to other serious issues, that had been there for more than three years of my ten-year marriage:
- I could not envision leading the same life with my husband for the rest of my life.
- Our priorities and desired lifestyles no longer matched.
- I never smiled or laughed anymore; I didn’t know how to have fun.
- I was sick with migraines weekly, and other illnesses attacked my body easily.
- I wanted him to be happy, even if that meant him meeting someone who could love better than I could.
- I was becoming open to meeting someone else.
To this day, I do not advocate divorce. Try to work it out together with the help of a professional, for the sake of your children and each other. However, if these signs, among other seriously dysfunctional and unhealthy things, are present in your marriage, it is time to stop and look at your situation for what it is.
I don’t have all the answers, but I have my real life experience to draw upon. Be strong and live well.
Written by: Jessica Holland is a guest blogger for West Michigan Woman. This is the first in her several-week series of blogs related to her first-hand experience with divorce and the lifestyle change that comes with it. Check back weekly for her perspectives and advice!
