Someone very near and dear to me recently told me that we are all damaged goods. My first reaction was sheer disbelief, and I wanted to challenge that theory. However, the more we discussed this topic, the more I realized he was right. Think about it: All of us have a past and have dealt with hurtful experiences. Most of us over the age of twenty-one have had our fair share of positive and negative things that have either knocked us down emotionally or lifted us up. These experiences have shaped our personal view of ourselves, others, and the world.
Those who have experienced a divorce are marred in such a way that is difficult to explain to others. We wanted the fairy tale happily-ever-after marriage, and it didn’t work out. Our dream was shattered and we are left with memories or impressions that shape our views in a more cynical way. Starting over is more challenging than we were expecting.
Letting go of the past is an extremely important step to enable us to move forward in a healthy direction. Unfortunately, most of us are unaware that in some way, we still hold onto past hurts. Some of these painful reminders could be what someone said when we were thirteen years old, or something that happened last week. They could be events that made us feel completely vulnerable and insecure, and question our value as a human being. In fact, they could even be past events that we failed at ourselves and are holding onto as a self-defense mechanism, in order to prevent us from feeling the agony of failing once again.
What I am realizing personally is that some of this past junk can come back to kick me in the behind and evoke emotions I didn’t know I had. It can happen when I am least expecting it. I can be at a party with friends, or at a family reunion, at church, or even at work. What I do know, however, is that I want to gain control and not let my past dictate my future.
So, what am I going to do about it? I am going to come face to face with all this bad stuff. I am peeling back one layer at a time to uncover what is at the root of these feelings, so I can overcome and conquer this craziness.
I will begin letting go by:
- Being honest with myself about my past and the hurt I still hold onto.
- Regularly visiting my therapist to deal with the past and overcome it.
- Being honest with those I love about why I overreact.
- Apologizing for behaving defensively.
- Cutting myself some slack and taking time to heal.
There is no magic formula to getting through a divorce or any life-changing event without scars. It takes time to heal, and a willingness to face past hurts and determine the best way to move forward. A combination of faith, good healthy relationships, and a heavy dose of therapy has allowed me to become stronger and better equipped to handle all sorts of situations.
How do you overcome your own challenges?
Be strong and live well.
Written by: Jessica Holland is a guest blogger for West Michigan Woman. This is the fourth in her several-week series of blogs related to her firsthand experience with divorce and the lifestyle change that comes with it. Click here to read other blogs in her series, and check back weekly for her perspectives and advice!
