Everyone goes through tough times. Life can be a rollercoaster of emotions, and managing it can be a lot like walking through a hillside filled with land mines. On top of the daily challenges life presents, throw in a traumatic divorce. I don’t think anyone can prepare themselves for the crazy, out-of-control, bipolar-like emotions of managing through a divorce. I thought I was the exception.
Fast forward to four months after my separation. It was the beginning of November 2012, and everything I thought I “had together” seemed to crumble in my hands. Work was challenging at the time. The dating thing wasn’t working out. Exhaustion was setting in. And ... the reality of divorce was setting in. I was hitting a wall and felt like I had been cast into purgatory. It seemed like nothing was moving forward in my life.
I tried to think about what to do, and only one thought came to mind: go back to my childhood home. The only place that seemed safe where I could recharge was the first place I called home. I called up my girlfriend, Ali, and she and her son joined me and my little boy on a road trip to see my family for Thanksgiving. She brought her iPod filled with Ani DiFranco and other empowering female musicians, and we bopped our way to my hometown, which does resemble the ficticious Pleasantville city.
My childhood home has become my safe haven. When life gets to be too much and I need to retreat, I find comfort in the familiarity of my bedroom, and the kind smiling faces who accept me with all my imperfections and love me because I’m me. Spending time there has been instrumental in helping me remember who I was before I became a married woman. It brings me back to the very core of being “Jessica.”
Throughout the past year and a half, I have traveled home five times. Most of these times, I needed the loving arms of my mother, familiar friends, and the safety of the home in which I grew up. I needed the generosity and honesty that my family provides and the comfort of my hometown. Going “home” helped me to rediscover myself and restored my hope for the future.
I have discovered that it’s really important to have a place to go when life becomes overwhelming. All of us experience burnout, and dealing with the ups and downs of life and a divorce can be too much. I strongly encourage you to find a “retreat” or a place you can go and just be. It does wonders for the soul, and you might discover who you are again by taking the time to visit that place. Where is your retreat?
Be strong and live well.
Written by: Jessica Holland is a guest blogger for West Michigan Woman. This is the fourth in her several-week series of blogs related to her firsthand experience with divorce and the lifestyle change that comes with it. Click here to read other blogs in her series and check back weekly for her perspectives and advice!
